-

I wanted to stop myself from being serious paranoid crude
walking on toes
keeping myself quiet
swimming where's dry
in a closed circle
in that narrow square
bored
drunk
with soft knees
with a sore throat
having weak wrists
behind a high wall
behind that gray blocks
on the second floor

I thought that I need
someone to laugh at my jokes
someone who kiss the place where I slept
one who sings only to see me dancing

born to tear and sew his own buttons

for one second
none of this above doesn`t matter

when I cringe and I think for myself as for the tiniest thrown stone
as for the worst dream
or the worst choice you've ever made


I don't want to be anything worse than I already am

but I'm bad just enough


now I am the mud
under the nails of one word
under the heaviest
tiniest
stone